I get it.

Ever since John and Elizabeth Edwards announced that her breast cancer recurred, there’s been a big discussion about whether or not it’s right that he’s not dropping out of the 2008 presidential race, in order to spend time with the family.

I have heard a lot of people say they respect the Edwardses’ (?!) decision but that they don’t understand it.  I completely understand it.  Completely.

If you missed their appearance on 60 Minutes, I think the reason behind it all is summed up best by Elizabeth:

You know, you really have two choices here. I mean, either you push forward with the things that you were doing yesterday or you start dying. That seems to be your only two choices. If I had given up everything that my life was about – first of all, I’d let cancer win before it needed to. You know, maybe eventually it will win. But I’d let it win before I needed to.

And I’d just basically start dying. I don’t want to do that. I want to live. And I want to do the work that I want next year to look like last year and… and the year after that and the year after that. And the only way to do that is to say I’m going to keep on with my life.

I read that quote to friends who were having trouble understanding why they would continue a political campaign in the face of Stage IV cancer, and they still didn’t quite get it.  So here’s my attempt at further explaining it.

Yes, they could just stop campaigning and go home to spend time together as a family.  But…if she gives up her dream or makes her husband give up his dream, then that means, to her, that the cancer has won. I don’t know how better to put it. I’m sure it sounds silly to do things to prove cancer wrong, but it’s a fantastic feeling, showing the cancer that it didn’t win by wrecking your life, by doing things that people thought you couldn’t/shouldn’t do because of the cancer. It’s a fantastic feeling saying “Eff you” to the cancer and living your life the way you did the day before your diagnosis (or as close to it as possible).

Also, in the 60 Minutes piece, she talked about her legacy. She doesn’t want to be remembered as the woman whose cancer forced her husband to drop out of the race; she wants to be remembered BEYOND the cancer. This isn’t an ambition thing at all, it’s about not wanting to be defined by the cancer, to be controlled by the cancer.

Their decision makes absolute perfect sense to me, and I admire them for being open about it.  Well, truth is, I admire them (as human beings) for many many things, but this is only just the latest thing I admire about them.